Fully dependent...

Everyday I see and interact with children who have defied the odds against them. They smile, laugh, walk, talk, jump, giggle, and play in ways that medically can't be explained. Simply put, they're miracles.

In the past several weeks, I have been amazed at the progress that so many of our children have made/are making. Kids that have never been able to stand, are able to walk down stairs while holding onto the railing; kids that shouldn't be able to move from the waist down, are ever so slightly moving their feet; and kids that should have not lived long enough to have surgery, have survived three heart surgeries and I now get to hold them in my arms everyday. Their laughter, cries, and soft coos never sounded so wonderful to my ears. It's a wonderful thing to see and a privilege to be able to experience the miracles that our Creator is so generously pouring out on these little ones.

At the same time though we have sweet, beautiful children that I so badly want to be healed. As I hold this little pumpkin in my arms every day I long for her seizures to cease and for her to grow up to be strong and able to run, laugh and play like any little girl deserves to do.

There are good days with this sweet little one, and there are bad ones. There are those days that I hold onto which are filled with gentle smiles and giggles and tracking eyes. And there are those days that I try to forget filled with constant seizures, crying, and a lack of alertness. It's on those days that I struggle sometimes, asking God why. Why do I read of stories in the New Testament where the disciples are filled with the power to heal the sick? Why did God's healing power seem to have flown through them and not me? Why does she have to suffer like this? Sometimes life is hard and things don't always add up quite like I would like for them to.

So often I wonder why such things happen to such a sweet girl, a little girl created in her Heavenly Father's image, but I'm reminded that my little pumpkin is perfect and that her Father loves her and cares for her more than I ever could. The other day I was reading author Max Lucado's book Everyday Blessings and it couldn't have been any more perfect...

Rather than see the man born blind as an opportunity for discussion, Jesus saw him as an opportunity for God. Why was he blind? "So God's power could be shown in him" (John 9:3)

What a perspective! The man wasn't a victim of fate; he was a miracle waiting to happen. Jesus didn't label him. He helped him. Jesus was more concerned about the future than the past.

And that's exactly what we're called to do. In the past few weeks I've been learning that we're called not to be concerned about the past but to look to the future with hope and the assurance that our God is greater than our circumstances and able to do whatever He wants. Ultimately we were created for one purpose: to bring glory to our Creator, and our ability to do so comes in all different forms. But whatever the way, we have to rely on Him to see us through.

As I struggle with wondering why such a sweet little girl has to deal with so much, our Father has gently been reminding me lately how dependent upon Him that I truly am. I tend to be so independent and to fix everything, but that's not what I'm called to. As I look around me, I see some of the most dependent lives in this world. These little ones are not only babies, but they are special needs orphans, how much more lowly can you get? But what a wonderful thing. In our culture, it's seen as helplessness and weakness, but how often I forget what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong.

You see, it's taken me a long time to figure out, but I think I'm finally starting to get it: only when we are fully dependent upon God are we in the best position possible. For only when we find our hope in Him alone are we able to have hope for tomorrow. Not in earthly things; not in family or friends or money or school or success or sports or whatever seems to give us the "perfect" life. For there is freedom and life and joy and peace and hope in trusting the Creator of the universe alone with our lives. Everyday Blessings offered wise words once again to me a couple of days ago on this as well:

Hope is not what you expect; it's what you would never dream...Hope is not a granted wish or a favor performed; no, it's far greater than that. It's a zany, unpredictable dependence on a God who loves to surprise us out of our socks and be there in the flesh to see our reaction.

As I was holding this sweet little one the other day and praying over her, I told her that I just didn't know what to do anymore. I just want her to be well, but as I said that, I had to stop myself. As I looked at her, I realized that we were really in the best position possible. There's nothing I can do, there's nothing ND can do, and there's nothing the doctors can do, but her Father is greater and wiser than anyone and anything in this world. And to be fully dependent on Him brings hope and freedom that He is in control. This doesn't mean that life will be perfect. It doesn't mean that we'll be free of heartache and pain. And it doesn't mean that every sweet child will be healed. But when we can cry out to Him and pray that His will be done in our lives and not our own, then we can trust that Someone who can see the bigger picture is watching over us and able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Can you imagine what the world would look like if we just simply surrendered to finding our hope in Christ alone? Can you see a world where believers in Jesus recognized that when we are in the bleakest of circumstances, we're in the best position possible by trusting in Him? Where we sought His will above our own? 

So may it begin with me today. May I look not at the past but at the future work that God has planned for my life. May I abandon my will at the foot of the cross, finding hope and freedom in surrendering it. May I give this little pumpkin and other little ones into the hands of their Heavenly Father, acknowledging that He alone knows best. And I pray that you may do the same today. May you recognize God's plans of goodness for you to bring glory to Himself. It may not be easy, but I promise that a radical life of trust is the only way to find freedom in this world. So may you seek it and find it, take a chance on it and rejoice in it, embrace it and live it...